October 19, 2011 § Leave a comment

Good evening

I have, this evening, received a question about the connection between capitalism and empiricism (empire building). Thank you for this Eidos—it’s a very relevant issue for our times and one which I will answer with a metaphor.

Picture in your minds an onion. Got it? Good. That onion is capitalism. Now peel that onion. Tear its outer skin off (stay with me on this one) and tell me what you see? Well? Yes, another onion. But let us go further, another layer. Now? Yes! An onion. Keep going. Another. And another. And ano..but wait. You are nearly at the core. What is that you can see peeping under the final layer? It looks like a face!

Beady eyes. Stupid expression. Simian jaw.

Yes it’s George Bush!

What is he doing at the centre of the onion, Will? Ah, well here lies the answer. Because every onion (capitalism) in this world is controlled, literally, by a little George Bush.

But the metaphor is not yet complete. Tell me, in peeling this onion, what effects did you notice in yourself? Were you happy? Were you overjoyed in what you were doing? Did it feel nice?

No! You cried. You wept tears, floods of tears which increased as you got nearer to the centre of the Bush. Yes capitalism is painful.

Now, some raw facts:

While in office, President Bush was one of the most voracious eaters of onions of any of the 37 US presidents.

Bush used more than 24,000 troops to conquer Iraq.

His ongoing conquest of Afghanistan is notorious for its viciousness against the Allium cepa. A little read document (the same which told us of WMD) states his final order for the U.S.troops in Afghanistan: burn all Afghan onions to a crisp.

The U.S. houses three of the four most powerful investment banks in the world. I worked at one.

The Bush ranch, headed by Barbara Bush, is one of the biggest producers of onions in the world. Its variety goes by the particular name of G. B. Onion.

Of course uncovering capitalism and finding the pitiful Bush staring back at you is a painful thing for any of us. Bush controls capitalism, Bush builds empires and Bush makes grown men cry.

Perhaps it’s time that we cut him up and fried him with our hotdog.

Thank you and good night!

This will be followed by a Q and A session on Twitter where I will endeavour to address YOUR questions.


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