Dorien Fassbender: A portrait

July 30, 2012 § Leave a comment

I went to an Italian’s party in the countryside during the weekend. It was a sprawling affair. But what took me by surprise was how many non-bankers were there. People from all walks of life. Hedge fund managers, politicians, private equity, even an artist– a real mix. As a hedge funder I choose my company more carefully.

The talk was all about European crises and UK recessions. Someone mentioned the Olympics and I thought I saw Seb Coe walking around but that was of subsidiary importance. The most interesting encounter I had was with an ex-schoolfriend of mine who’s been working at Lloyds of London for several years. Fifield is very traditional. His line of work takes him into risk assessment. But it’s the company he keeps that is most interesting, because he never grew out of the old school predilections.

At some point along the line he started to talk about Dorien Fassbender.

“He moved in some of the same circles. But he was rather a dirty uneducated chap. I wouldn’t have had any direct contact with him. Not my sort.”

“Did you hear any rumours? They say he was found in unusual circumstances.”

“Oh I don’t know. You always come across gossip. Not my scene if I am honest. Apart from that one particular foible– I heard he kept a catamite.”


“Tut-tut, you never paid attention in Latin did you? A catamite is a young boy who is taken into a friendship by an older man. It was a Roman thing.”

“Really? So Fassbender was noted for that?”

“He was a very depraved man.”

“But you were at the same party when he disappeared?”

“So I was. And I left in a drunken state. So did a lot of men.”

Fifield tells me he could not remember who else he saw. But one other thing catches my attention.

A very beautiful woman was seen at the event. Unusually she was neither pr nor a prostitute (quelle difference you say?).

When I got home late yesterday I reviewed facts: 

Dorien Fassbender, who was he?

An analyst

Apparently working on a big report and in the possession of some big information

Hedge funds were present at conference

Was last seen holding a bottle of champagne mumbling about the next year being the best of his life
Earlier seen in conversation with Sir Terry Laboum, chairman of MidEast sovereign wealth fund
Was not well liked in the industry due to his confrontational approach
Was wearing a signet ring, which wasn’t his

“Why this fascination with Fassbender,” you ask?

Well to tell you the truth, I’ve always been interested in crime fiction. I believe that in another life I could’ve made an excellent detective. Its a real passion of mine. I feel that this Fassbender case has all the elements of a classic whodunnit.

Late last night I called my old friend Dick Schneider who tells me a new move is currently being put into place by EU leaders

A total destruction of the Eurozone, he tells me. This confirms my earlier view on the affair. Unsurprising as I also know a number of people who stand to make a lot of money out of this.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

What’s this?

You are currently reading Dorien Fassbender: A portrait at Secret Banker.


%d bloggers like this: